Loosing grip, I am

it has been almost a year since i've know him, and today marks the 'death' of him.
I'm still trying to come to terms to all that i've done, silly things which we only see in series like desperate house wives...just to get his attention,but alas..i l finally bow out of th battle, or rather i think.

I keep asking myself. why cat i just get over him?? we have never met, yeah that makes it even more funnier? how do you obsess and like? love?? (ok whataver..i don't think i even know the meaning of either...) someone you have met?? oh yea ask me..ill tell you.

he calls himself my guardian angel, that why we will never meet? he has helped me mould myself to someone great but in maters of the heart am left all shattered, why wont he meet me?? or rather reveal himself to me??
I push him about it, n i mean PUUUUUUUSHH!! and today the holding brakes just snapped and he is gone...gone with the wind, i didnt need to hear any words to confirm that, but i've seen it coming all along, but my sturboon self wasnt jst ready to swallow it,, and even now i dont know how i will swallow it and move on..coz clearly im still hooked!!! whats with me and my addictions???and the saddest part, it all ends without me gettin chance to see him, feel him..flooded him with my love or lust?? call it whatever.....

my problem now is how will i move on?? should i just deactivate my account so that i dont see him online and avoid the tempatation to chat him up again?? he shoud just delete me, but he says he wont..now that more torture!!

while at that, yet another heart breaker is prowling my mind...now this one is intersting as he is supposedly straight and even introduced me to his girlfrend...yet we made out once and i could swear th boy wanted to eat me alive

hmmmmmm life life life....strange how all the people i like like, dont likey likey me back in response...time to learn to move on!!

.....to be continued!!